Man, the Affleck reaction is tiring. I mean, there is some serious-ass, exhausting, Twitter-clogging rage out there over the idea that the guy from Argo is going to ruin the Sucker Punch guy’s movie
So much so that there are over 30 petitions on Change.org asking President Obama to make it illegal for Ben Affleck to play Batman. At least one of those petitions asks for a law banning Affleck from playing any superhero for the next 200 years.
Which is to be expected when you open up a forum for people to post whatever they want. But these petitions are too focused on a single person’s career. If you want to draft meaningful legislation that has a chance of getting past the review stages, you have to make it fit the public at large.
For the next petition, stop focusing on getting Zack Snyder to fire Ben Affleck. Instead, focus on getting him to hire everybody else.
I’m thinking jobs program.
Superhero films are clearly a growth sector, and this is the time to step in and regulate it for the greater good. The DC universe has somewhere around 10,000 characters (including sidekicks, villains, love interests, etc). Marvel has somewhere around 7,000. We’ll focus our efforts on these, since they happen to be owned by two of the largest media companies in the world — Warner Brothers and Disney. Later we can discuss Image, Dark Horse, and all of the other players in the field, possibly by subsidizing studios to make licensing deals (MGM receives matching funds to license the entirety of Comico’s library! Says MGM CEO, “What the Hell’s a Comico?”).
What we need is a requirement that, if these companies wish to keep raking in the cash on superhero movies, they need to give every single one of us a turn. Every American gets to play a character — an actual, already-part-of-the-canon character from DC or Marvel — at least once. And it has to be in a movie.
The United States has a population of 313.9 million (give or take). If we figure a pool of 17,000 characters, we wind up with roughly 18,464 actors for each character. Luckily, not each of these characters has to get their own movie — so we can easily knock out Batman, the Joker, Vicki Vale, Robin, Batgirl, and Alfred in the same span of 18,464 movies. Hell, we can handle even more characters if the studios go Joel Schumacher on our collective ass. And if they decide to do the whole I’m Not There thing and cast multiple actors throughout the same movie, they could easily divide that number by six to ten (only 1,846.4 movies about Aquaman, guys!)
Not everybody will get to be Batman, naturally, but this can only help the comics fan community as everybody’s favorite deep cuts from the Marvel and DC universes finally get representation on the screen — from Slapstick to Matter-Eater Lad, all the way to Peter Porker the Spectacular Spider-Ham (I call dibs right now on Ambush Bug). So many great characters will have movies out that next year’s San Diego ComicCon will have to be held in all of San Diego!
Think big, guys!